Guess who showed up

Over the last few months month I have been doing very well with keeping my anxiety is check. I have been rather proud of the steps I have taken. I heard or read, can’t remember which, that worrying over things is a form of not depending and completely trusting God. After all His Word doses say “Be anxious for nothing” and then gives us a way to not have anxiety. It’s by coming to Him and laying those fears at His feet to handle.

I like this idea. It’s hard to admit, I am not going to trust God and worry about this situation until I make myself sick. So when I worry I try to give it to God.

This week has been hard. I have been sick for almost 6 weeks. On Friday she diagnosed me with pneumonia. I was relieved yet frustrated I let myself get this sick before I did anything about it. I got loads of meds and off to bed. One of the meds was a steroid pack. Great for pneumonia not so good for my emotional state of my waist line 😉

Thing 1 and 2 are preparing to go into the first and second grade. How can it be that my babies are so big???? Back to school is stressful enough, especially with everything going on in the world today. It is scary to send your child out into this big scary world. I like to have a plan and I don’t. This brings me great discomfort. I know the teachers and administration are amazing.  They have a plan.  We have been very blessed with a wonderful, small school with an amazing staff. They are getting a new building this year. School starts in 15 days. It is no where near finished. I know they have a plan. But it concerns me. Thing #2 is like his Momma. He likes a plan. With only 6 years to work through this issue he struggles sometimes when he doesn’t have a plan. Heck I have had 37 years and still struggle. I have to trust they have a plan.

Then the events of this chaotic world are almost more than I can bear lately. It is so sad and heartbreaking. I have a difficult time even turning the news on.

Then at work, we are moving offices. Me, I could care less where my desk is. Maybe if I was losing my desk/office  I would be upset. But no one is losing their office, just moving to a new one. You would think that these people are 6 and 7 year olds instead of 25-50 year olds. The last few days have been stressful.  Everyone is upset and every one is questioning everything. Today was moving day. Now the hornets nest has really been poked.

So after a crazy week, lots of medicine and little sleep (because the meds make me wired and starving) I am on the verge of a break down. Literally I am holding back tears. I hate this feeling like I want to cry, scream and lose it all at the same time. I know a lot of it is the medicine. I was wide awake the other night worrying about the fact I didn’t have regular glue. I have about 40 glue sticks but they need regular glue. I was so upset I seriously contemplated going to Walmart right then.

My prayer life has really increased lately. My brother in law is a police officer. He is also a minorty with dark skin. I have been very burdened for my sister lately. She always knows that during every shift there is a possibility that he might not come home. However this possibility is a little scarier now. There are things that have my heart troubled that I can’t quite put into word yet, but I am getting there.

What I can be thankful for is a God that already knows my concerns and my heart. He knows I fail every day but loves me the same. An unending love that can never stop.

Thank you Lord that in my weakness, You make me strong.

 

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