Too long…..

I can’t remember the last time I wrote. It feels like a lifetime ago. But here we are again.

The holiday’s were good but stressful. My boys love Christmas with all out family. They were spoiled rotten. They had an amazing time.

However our visit ended with an argument. I won’t lie it wasn’t pretty but in the end a long overdue conversation took place and we all said what we have needed to say for a while. Everyone apologized and agreed to work on our relationships.

It was rough but it was good. However with the situation anxiety has made a comeback and it is bad.

In light of this, I decided things needed to change. For my own sanity and happiness I had to make the choice to conquer my thoughts, fears and my ability to run away with my thoughts.

For several years, my friends have chosen a word of the year. So I jumped on the band wagon. This year I chose the word relinquish.

Relinquish the fear, anxiety, frustration and negative thoughts.

The first 9 days were fairly easy. Then I had to start making choices. Chosing to relinquish the anger and frustration. Chosing to let things go in order to preserve my sanity. Chosing joy when I don’t want to so that I am not so frustrated when I get home that I make my family miserable.

16 days in the road to relinquishing is becoming more difficult. Each day God has reminded me to pray and ask what I need to let go.

Satan however is making this hard. Today has been a struggle. Tomorrow starts the first day of school for my job. The next 15 days are going to be rough.  We are down 3 staff members, two of which have been there for a long time. I am training a new person in the midst of the chaos. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. My anxiety is even starting to affect my stomach. Too much info, right.

Plus words/comments are overwhelming me tonight. I have done with not reading into thing or over analysing things that have been said. But, today it has been a constant struggle. What did that person really mean? Why did they say that?

I have struggled all day with anxiety.

My children are asking lots of questions lately. Those hard questions. Why did we leave the place I was born? Why isn’t Daddy a pastor anymore? Why did you make the choice not to have another baby? Why can’t I have a sister? All questions that are hard to answer. Mainly because I am not sure how to explain those answers to an 8 year old.

This Momma is having a hard time with Thing #1 having his latest birthday. He is 8. How did this happen? It makes matters worse because he now thinks he is grown. Plus he has had a HUGE growth spurt. At 8 he is 4ft 4 inches and almost 65 pounds. He is in a size 4 shoes and size 10 pants what the heck. Slow down little man.

So, I encourage you to relinquish the fear. The anxiety. The control. The self-deprecating thought. Relinquish them to the One who can take them away. The One who can calm the fears.

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